Everyone knows Jason and his mom are incredibly tight. He won’t hesitate at all to tell you she is his best friend. But sometimes best friends have beef. Jason’s nephew, Aiden, is in middle school and is playing football for the first time. Apparently Aiden is a shaping up to be a GD monster just like his uncle, or as Jason put it he’s got that “large Dick bone structure” that runs in their family.
Jason also briefly tried to play football back in the day. Some might say he quit after because he didn’t like getting hit, Jason would tell you he was simply an early-advocate about the dangers of CTE. Aiden has also previously said to Jason that he wasn’t interested in football because it was “too aggressive”. When Jason questioned Mama Dick about whether it was a good fit for her grandson, she hit with the gut punch of maybe Aiden is tougher than Jason was at his age. Shots fired.
Jason tried to defend himself by pointing out, yet again, how he played in a Little League championship game with a broken pinky finger on his throwing hand. How could Aiden possibly be tougher than that? Guess we’ll see when Aiden hits the field later this fall. The Jason And Deb Sports Book is already taking bets at how many games Uncle Jason makes it to. The Over/Under is currently at .5 games.
Also, we’re just going to leave this here.
Reverse Wing Man Guy
This weeks That Guy is probably one we’ve dealt with before. This week it’s none other than our own Producer Nick. Last weekend Jason was having his new Bumblina over to frolic in the Dick Pool and he invited several of his friends over as well to keep things casual. Jason is a smitten kitten for this Bumblina, but still wants to ease into. Nick was one of said friends, but almost immediately Nick and Jason started to squabble over the stupidest thing.
Without going into the boring details Nick warned Jason that something in the studio was currently not working and Jason might need to mentally prepare himself to deal with it on Monday. Jason of course started to rant about the goings on in Nashville and accused Nick of being a bad producer for not just fixing the problem. Nick, of course, had to clap back at Jason telling him not to flex in front of his girl. Shots fired.
Luckily this attack on Jason didn’t cause his Bumblina to flee the premises and Jason’s brand new relationship seems to still be intact. Unless the universe itself is out to get him…
Bumblina In Retrograde
As we said, Jason is quite pleased with the direction things seem to be headed with his new Bumblina. They like a lot of the same music, they both enjoy Quentin Tarantino movies, and they’re both fans of Jason Dick. Go figure. But the other day Jason learned something about her that one maaaaaybe could interpret as a bad sign. Specifically astrological signs. More specifically Jason’s Bumblina is into astrological signs. Just like Jason’s ex-wife was. The good news is that Jason’s new star-gazer is an Aries which does seem compatible with Jason being a Scorpio. According to our research, Aries and Scorpios have the potential to become “the atomic bomb of all sexual experiences”. Unfortunately they also lack the “pleasures and tenderness of Venus” thus making it “hard for them to find their shared language”. But if they can then watch out, because boom goes the dynamite.
I Love You Call
Everyday Deb tries to spread the love by calling a random business and trying to get them to tell her “I love you”. We had the band Korn on our minds today so we tried calling The Popcorn Bag in Fredericksburg, Virginia. The woman who answered, Jessica, was very softspoken and reserved so it didn’t start off looking very good. Deb warmed her up by telling her she wanted to get some bags of popcorn for her friends as gifts and if it would be ok to come in and taste test all their different flavors. Jessica said of course and quickly wrapped things up and went in for the kill. Jessica was like that last popcorn kernel that refuses to pop, but eventually she caved and gave Deb and “I love you too”. Hooray!
Speaking Of Popcorn
Everyone knows that Jason is an admitted popcorn butter enthusiast. Specifically the synthetic kind. He’s been known to purchase a movie ticket just to enjoy a fresh bag of the good stuff and then leave the theatre before the end of the film. Still we were kind of surprised when several listeners sent Jason a link to an old Supremes song called Buttered Popcorn. You gotta admit, the lyrics do sound a lot like him.
News
Bad news Friends fans. According to the Maine Lobster Marketing Collaborative lobsters don’t actually mate for life and can actually get around quite a bit.
Worse news for Spider-Man fans. Your favorite web slinger might be disappearing from the Marvel Cinematic Universe again. This time for good.
Korn played a virtual concert in a MMORPG game.
Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are doing a fourth Matrix movie.
Sports
Did Antonio Brown confuse a left-over fish head for a Godfather-style threat?
Ronda Rousey almost severed her finger during a guest stint on Fox’s “9-1-1”. (Don’t look if you’re squeamish)
Soccer star Carli Lloyd took a break from kicking ass on the pitch to kicking field goals at Eagles camp.
Thank you to the @Eagles for having me out! Thanks to @JustinTuck @jake_elliott22 @MayorRandyBrown for the good time and tips! #55yd pic.twitter.com/owZ16f46Th
— Carli Lloyd (@CarliLloyd) August 20, 2019
