Radioman CJ Morgan went to Knomad Bar a few days before Thanksgiving and really pondered the meaning of helpful holiday click bait. Some fellow drunks and staff also offered some advice:
1 – Be aware of how much you are drinking. Alcohol can influence your emotions and keep you from being able to get out of the house and drive/Lyft to a local bar where you can truly escape.
2 – Always bring matches. You are going to have to shit I someplace you’ve never shit before. –Marlon, bartender
3 – Avoid anyone who talks about “the jab”, gas prices or JFK Jr. coming back to save America… or any so called weird ass ‘politics’ at all. No one wants to hear that shit and they are only doing it to start a fight. –Kelly, patron
4 – Stop feeding pets from the table and yell at family who do that. Dogs should be allowed to hang for the holidays but not have any turkey bones or really any scrap. Most of what you have at the table is really bad for them. -Jenn, patron
5 – Small fruits and berries should not be given to pets and should also not be served for Thanksgiving. Gross hippie.
6 – If you own birds, be aware that they should be in a separate room from nonstick skillet frying pans.
7 – Also, you shouldn’t own birds you weird fuck they’re supposed to fly free in the sky. What kind of monster are you?
8 – They say don’t talk politics at the table. Fuck that. Put that old racists ass bitch in her place! –Jeremy, bar patron
9 – Do something fancy, fun and memorable for friendsgiving – like a champagne shrimp fountain!
10 – Never eat the Jello salads or Jello anything, I read about that shit on reddit and it looks gross. –Listener comment
11 – Don’t go back to your hometown , go to a friends for dinner. Oh, and make your own cranberry sauce. –bar patron
12 – Hide your keys. Mom will want more brandy and will send the youngest sober kid to get it for her.
13 – Get out of the house and expend some of your energy. Fun games like corn hole are a great way to get into a fist fight before dinner instead of after.
14 – Honestly fuck the entire thing, order pizza and watch movies that’s America (random person at the bar just came up to me with this).
15 – You don’t have to just eat turkey, do sushi something. It’s about being thankful (also a bar tip from someone more cheerful).
16 – Football First. Family second. That includes ditching the family on Friday to attend the Longhorn game VS Tech.
17 – Here’s a tip, always pay more than you think you should. ??? (really drunk lady).
18 – XMAS lights go on sale. Stock up!
